The Feeling of Christmas
Note: I wrote this in 2011 on a cold day while living in Amarillo, TX. Since I am blogging frequently now I wanted to share.
Normally, my personality bends a little more to being untraditional and I aim to be progressive in my thinking. Yet Christmas time has way of making me feel nostalgic, contemplative and traditionally old-school. Christmas time awakens so many vivid things inside of me. The cool of the air, the warmth of the music, holiday scents, glowing lights in the cool misty air, and years of grateful memories…(did I mention Starbucks Christmas blend?) It awakens in me the Christmas feeling.
For me, there is a comforting yet just a small lonely feeling about Christmas. It is not a dark feeling but it has a dim hint of loneliness to me. I have been trying to figure out “whats with this lonely thing?” It’s not a depressed or cold feeling its actually kind of warm. It feels very full….but just a little bit empty. Today I was thinking, “why do I feel this way at Christmas time,” wondering if I am the only one that feels this way.
I believe it’s the seasons of my life and those who I have had the honor of knowing through my journey that brings this feeling. I have had so many amazing people in my life surrounded by an empire of joyful memories. I think the “little bit empty” feeling is simply those I have experienced life with. My heart is overjoyed to have shared moments with these people, yet my heart is just a little sad that we have all moved on from the stage that these memories were built on. There are so many rich, beautiful, and cherished moments like pictures in my mind through the seasons of my life.
I remember as a kid getting gifts; an atari, a remote controlled car, or a stereo that I knew my mom couldn't afford. Yet, the greatest gifts I have received are laughs, tears, and conversations. At this time of the year what I remember most are the people that I revisit through the time machine of my heart.
When I get that Christmas feeling I think about the greatest gift, the hope of the world, being born in a cattle trough. I also think about the gifts of friends and family that Jesus has blessed me to know. To those whom this is written, you know who you are, thank you, I love you & I miss you. My life will never be the same. Beyond the cold air, the warm music, and all that surrounds the Christmas season, there are faces and places in my heart and you are there.
“Christmas time is all about receiving, the gift that god has sent from up above” -Ray Charles